Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
avoid the michael’s in pinellas park restrooms
Unless you want to handjob your way to clean hands.
why i’d rather read the new yorker
Curse you Glamour Editor-in-Chief Cynthia Lieve for letting me know my pillow is pretty much just a colony of dust mite feces seeping into my conjunctiva and making me look 80.
i have no idea who this woman is
But there is good chance she’s jumping off a cliff when she sees the replay.
if there are any terrorists
In the vicinity of Newark airport, please come put me out of my misery.
Every. Single. Time. I. Come. Here.
if anyone happens to be on jet blue flight 534
Perhaps you can tell me whether that smell is gangrenous feet or rotting cabbage.
Also if you could help me find the noise canceling earphones I just purchased since I forgot mine at home with my phone charger, that would be appreciated since I also forgot my Bible (used as a conversation deterrent when traveling).
If you’re trying to guess where I’m headed, here’s a hint: the woman next to me just had a phone conversation during which every other word was “friggin” and “horrible” (pronounced WHORE-able). Rhymes with Rookie.
i only wear white when it rains 