Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
tierra verde drawbridge opening schedule as follows:
Monday through Sunday: When I have to pee.
thank goodness i know what sport to play to get these killer abs
And what dumbass buys a cell phone holder anyway? Duh. That’s why God invented elastic waistband cut-off sweatpants.
oh look
There are worse Valentines. And for those of you calling me an “ingrate,” I’d be willing to bet you were never the recipient of a Garfield card.
here’s a thought
Why don’t I spend as much time on my Valentine’s dinner as he did on my card? What are you guys thinking…Pop Tarts? Untoasted?
i look forward to bringing my daughter to dance class at the patel
Because Mr. Chow is the parking lot attendant there.
“Bring money to Big Rock in Mojave Desert at dawn.”
is it too much to expect
My bagger at Publix to rub in the lotion that extends from her fingertips to her shoulders before she manhandles my groceries and reusable (not so much now) bag handles?
heidi klum & seal split
I heard she filed “Just got LASIK” as the reason for divorce.
merry christmas, city of st pete
Love your new traffic light cameras and all the high definition shots you have of me coming to an almost-stop before turning right at that red light in an empty intersection. Enjoy the $159.
how you know you’re in the tyrone mall parking lot
On the day before Christmas Eve no less. I’m so getting arrested for assault.
i only wear white when it rains 