i only wear white when it rains

Not sure if mortification marketing, like using a cheese grater for exfoliation during a pedicure, is exclusive to Florida or not. But like our ever-expanding list of sexual predators and people who shoot each other over Popeye’s chicken, it’s a source of shame for this sunny state of shady people.

Sure, a part of me respects the Statue of Liberty breakdancing to the demons in his own head on 4th Street in the middle of rush hour traffic (2 pm here because that’s when people get off their shift at Steak & Shake).

And I’m a bit jelly of the guy flipping the Westshore pizza sign because I imagine this form of aerobic activity burns way more calories than a spin class. Not to mention I might one day be relegated to a life of pointing frantically to my PC Repair sign should my job as a bomb-sniffer for the Department of Homeland Security fall through.

But I have to draw the line at today’s Buy Gold Mortification Marketeer.

Employing a pregnant person?

Guessing he’s about six months along

Shame on you.