i only wear white when it rains

Not following these rules puts you at risk of being photographed and featured on my blog for 10s of readers to see:

1. Those arriving at the sale rack first have the right of way. Please yield.

2. Stay at least five (preferably eight) garments away from your fellow shopper.

3. If you feel an impending sneeze, please leave the store. Try not to come back. Ever.

4. If #3 is not possible, do not look at my disgusted, scrunched up face and say, “Allergies.” Because I so fucking don’t believe you and once again will inquire about the purchase of a hyperbaric chamber which is no fun for anyone.

5. Never, ever try to grab any item after not respecting the five-garment barrier rule. If you took the last size 2 in that crimson tweed dress I want then know you will be cursed to a life of shrinking closet space and excruciatingly long lines at Fresh Market. This I can pretty much guarantee.

Shopper comes dangerously close to violating the perimeter of decency