i only wear white when it rains

10. The Tap Out/Affliction to non-douchebag ratio is alarmingly high.

9. There is a 100% chance you will eat something that has you running an extra mile tomorrow morning or at the very least to Walgreens to buy Prevacid.

8. You will spend $50 on games and still come home empty handed.

7. You will play one game and end up winning a husky the size of Winnebago that you are then forced to carry on your back through the park.

6. You will have to explain to your 6-year-old daughter at least three times why some boys think it’s appropriate behavior to spit on the sidewalk.

5. No drink lids may help save the environment, but they will not save your Badgley Mischka purse from lemonade spills.

4. Amazingly, all the sex offenders seem to congregate in the Jungala area where your daughter just crawled out of sight into a tunnel.

3. Thanks to the overabundance of tourists and popcorn, the odds of a bird pooping on you are about 80%.

2. The turkey leg concessions are scattered throughout the park, but concentrated in areas where you are already most nauseated from smelling the elephant excrement.

1. Public flossing.