i only wear white when it rains

because blogging is cheaper than therapy

today’s affirmations (i think i’m finding jesus)

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  • I will remember that however tempting it may be, falling asleep with my hair wet is only acceptable when I’m being committed to an asylum the next day.
  • I understand that the reason my ass looks fat in this terry Juicy jumpsuit, is because it is. I welcome that I’ll be confused with Kim Kardashian today and will embrace all the attention I get from black men.
  • I will settle for a pedicure with Patty Melt this afternoon even though what I really need is a shot of Patron and Botox. I will be careful not to text her on my iPhone about this because it will autoINcorrect ‘pedi’ to ‘penis’ and we’ll end up someplace entirely different than Solar Nails.
  • I trust that the package of “medicine” I just signed for from India contains Brian’s Viagra and not poison he will later slip into my Smart Water so that he can end his alimony obligation.

Written by I only Wear White When it Rains

October 28, 2010 at 10:27 am

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