i only wear white when it rains

because blogging is cheaper than therapy

my new, all-natural diet aid and birth control plan

with 2 comments

Because either I’m a masochist or a very good friend, I took Ainsley and Zeina’s two girls to Chuck E Sneeze yesterday. On a Saturday. Even though I wanted to scratch my eyes out with the Lollipop each girl won with 1,400 tickets, $50 and three hours of my miserable existence later, I was too afraid of the painful bacterial infection it was sure to inflict. So let me just apologize in advance if you plan to eat any time in the next 24 hours, but I feel compelled to post stealth iPhone pics of a few of my favorite patrons.

Because I still cannot unsee these, my plan is to not sacrifice my retinas in vain and instead go there every week equipped with my iPhone and no less than 300 individually packaged GermX towelettes. I will use the photographic evidence to either prove the existence of the Missing Link or to develop an all-natural appetite suppression and birth control regimen. And hopefully make enough money from this venture (combined with my Lone Shoe masterpiece) that I won’t have to resort to buying powdered laundry detergent on the three Fig Newtons I will be paid in alimony.

Just be glad these pictures are not scratch ‘n sniff.

Written by I only Wear White When it Rains

October 10, 2010 at 9:28 am

2 Responses

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  1. Seriously, aren’t you afraid they’ll catch you taking these pictures?

    This post reminds me of another wonderful site.


    October 11, 2010 at 12:22 pm

  2. There were several Chuck E Sleaze regulars that I’m confident would have hogtied me to the back of their pickups and driven away had they seen me. Notice the photo of butterfly kisses was from the back. Had she seen me she’d no doubt force me to die a slow, olfactory death.

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