classy
I love that she felt the need to deface this public bathroom with permanent marker for a guy whose name she most certainly cannot spell and only loves “sometimes.” Let’s hope she steers clear of any tattoo parlors.
And, yes, I’m in fucking Target again.
hanging from target ceiling
Evidently just to see if anyone notices. Cannot come up with any other rational explanation.
feel free to nominate me for mother of the year
Because she’s still getting a bath when we get home.
bad omen?
Or yet another reason to remarry?
Thanks to vinyl gloves and an entire roll of paper towels, this little birdie has just received an Osama Bin Laden-like burial seconds before it fried like an omelette on my pool deck.
america’s spiking the ball in the endzone
I recognize we’re all secretly hoping that the Navy Seals jammed an apple pie and baseball bat up Osama Bin Laden’s urethra before blowing him and his 72 virgins straight to hell. But I’m concerned we might get fined for excessive celebration.
Let’s use our public pep rallies to honor the troops and the heroes who made this happen, or to commemorate the lives of those lost on 9/11.
I’m confident we can celebrate this touchdown without grabbing our ball sack, doing a funky chicken victory dance and yelling, “Fuck yeah!” to the entire world right before we light our couches on fire.
i only wear white when it rains 