i only wear white when it rains

I recognize we’re all secretly hoping that the Navy Seals jammed an apple pie and baseball bat up Osama Bin Laden’s urethra before blowing him and his 72 virgins straight to hell. But I’m concerned we might get fined for excessive celebration.

Let’s use our public pep rallies to honor the troops and the heroes who made this happen, or to commemorate the lives of those lost on 9/11.

I’m confident we can celebrate this touchdown without grabbing our ball sack, doing a funky chicken victory dance and yelling, “Fuck yeah!” to the entire world right before we light our couches on fire.