i only wear white when it rains

As our elected officials argue over who will pay for the latest erectile dysfunction breakthroughs under the Affordable Care Act, healthcare consumers are trying to navigate how the changes will affect each and every one of us.

For example, I recently discovered that I will be paying an additional $208 a month in premiums for my health insurance which covers little more than the gauze I’d need if I got run over by a Suburban.

Despite the industry overhaul, some aspects of the Affordable Care Act are not changing how we receive healthcare in this country. And although I haven’t poured over the 2,000+ pages of legislation, I’m pretty confident that Target Pharmacy technicians are still not physicians and therefore should not be asked a 27-minute-long series of questions about your sinus drainage. This is especially true when I am standing behind you in line with rainbow sherbet in my cart waiting to pick up the Z-pak my insurance won’t pay for to treat my actual sinus infection.

Thanks for turning my dessert into a spilled puddle of corn syrup in the back of my car