i only wear white when it rains

Here’s my new pledge:

“I will only text and drive when I want to avoid a costly maintenance on my Land Rover.”

You see friends, this morning I was replying to an urgent text that may or may not have had to do with the tailgating (cocktail) menu for this Saturday’s Gator game when I semi drove my right tires up on a curb that appeared out of nowhere on 16th. I blame this minor mishap less on my texting and more on the fact that my car pulls so far to the right due to a much-needed alignment that if I let go of the steering wheel for a second I end up in the Atlantic Ocean. So after I realized “phew, no flat tire” and erased the shrill voice of my mother threatening to “tell Oprah” on me, I discovered that I knocked my car back into alignment. Now I can let go of my steering wheel (as I just did on the Interstate while writing this), and drive relatively straight. So I’m canceling that tire rotation and wheel alignment and writing Oprah to tell her about the benefits of texting and driving.

 My Strawberry Effen Gatortails were REEdiculously yummy.