Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
is it wrong
To assume that the 45-year-old man sporting the mullet, hoop earrings and plaid lumberjack shirt shopping at Justice is either:
– A sex offender
– An assassin hired by my husband to run me over with his cargo van in the mall parking lot
add this to the long list
Of reasons I’m going to hell.
I’m more than a little annoyed that a funeral procession is preventing me from making a left turn into the “Happy Aniversy” Starbucks drive-thru as I head to the airport.
Pray for me.
why can I never get away
From Target’s “Morning Huddle”?
It seems my yet-to-be caffeinated, cranky morning self is always forced to duck under this red Chuppah of employees cheering and clapping because store #345 had 10% less go backs this month.
A word of advice: when the Chuppah disbands — go far, far away. Otherwise you’ll be dodging a Blitzkrieg of “may I help yous” whether you are in the tampon aisle or not.
apparently…
Barbie finally agrees to anal sex with Ken. WTF Mattel? This new product launch is a bit inappropriate for your target audience of 4 to 8 year olds.
hey – pimp my ride
Got news for you. Supporting the “Police Athletic League” is not going to stop the cops from pulling you over at a random traffic stop to search your completely limo-tinted, tricked-out stretch Mercedes thus finding your silicone prostate massager, cinnamon-flavored throat numbing spray and methamphetamine collection in the trunk. Nice try though.
i only wear white when it rains 