i only wear white when it rains

I realize your quarterly earnings must have decreased substantially since my husband ripped the AmEx from my hands five months ago and informed you that I was training with Al Quaida. So I can appreciate why you may be feeling the impact of my recent inability to stimulate the economy. However, your rejection letter this morning was a bit insensitive. You are “unable to extend me a credit card at this time?” Ouch. What is it that you suggest I do? Forego the upgrades, complimentary breakfasts and companion fares you have promised in exchange for me maintaining my perfect attendance record at every Nordstrom Semi-Annual Sale since 1997?

After all we’ve been through together (our Four Seasons upgrade in France, breakfast buffets at the JW Marriott, Club Level benefits at the Ritz, Concierge service at the Grand Floridian, et al) it’s hardly reasonable for me to slap down an Orchard Bank Student Visa card on the marble Neiman’s checkout counter. Especially since Neiman’s. Doesn’t. Even. Accept. Visa.

So please reconsider your hasty, thoughtless decision. If not for me and those True Religion boot-cut jeans my thigh bulge is pining for, then at least do it for our country. You know that I’m our nation’s best chance at economic recovery.

Sincerely,

Someone who prefers Platinum to Apple Trees